I think the overthinking part is what kills most adult friendships before they even start. I almost didn't talk to someone who ended up becoming one of my best friends because I was worried it would be weird to approach her in a parking lot. Like, she's just trying to go home, I don't want to bother her. But I said something anyway and now we drive to Pilates together every weekend. The bar is so much lower than we think it is.
Helpful. This has lifted the confusion I feel around a fading friendship- and also one, where the behaviour of a friend felt odd, but I did reach out. Compelling reasons: gold dust in all areas!
There's also the popularity of the "please cancel plans last minute, I'm always ready to bail" memes that make it feel like it's not a big deal to flake. No need for follow ups! Friendship is tricky, and we're lucky to have you to guide us through these tensions!
I wonder about the differences between leaving a friendship, ghosting a friend (I.e. they reach out and you don’t reply), and choosing to not reach out that extra mile. Each one has varying levels of passivity versus action, each one requires different levels of energy. Is there a way of handling the situation in the first post where, instead of reaching out to ask about the friend’s needs, they investigate what their own unmet needs are within this friendship (and then share that with their cancellation prone friend)? If you are feeling upset or hurt, that is a good cue to get curious! But not just about other people’s needs which I think is how most women in particular have been socialized.
I’m reading your book right now Anna! It’s great, thank you! I admit I have ghosted a few in the past couple of years. I have a chip on my shoulder about how hard I work in friendships and how hard others work. I’m trying to have more grace for others around this. It’s challenging đŸ˜¬đŸ˜¬ but thank you for being a good role model.
Ah ghosting the friendship! I've been surprised this happens in middle age! I think people's tendency to be conflict avoidant plus only communicating via text is a perfect recipe for ghosting. I'm team "always reach out" but it is exhausting
I recently did both. I reached out first and then peaced out when she continued to ghost me. by the time she reached back out, I feel like I had been mourning the loss our friendship for a long time.
I totally see those double messages too and I agree it just really depends on the situation and how invested you are in that friendship in the first place.
I'm sad that the rice krispie ice cream was a let down!
I think the overthinking part is what kills most adult friendships before they even start. I almost didn't talk to someone who ended up becoming one of my best friends because I was worried it would be weird to approach her in a parking lot. Like, she's just trying to go home, I don't want to bother her. But I said something anyway and now we drive to Pilates together every weekend. The bar is so much lower than we think it is.
So very helpful, elegantly so! And just, really
Helpful. This has lifted the confusion I feel around a fading friendship- and also one, where the behaviour of a friend felt odd, but I did reach out. Compelling reasons: gold dust in all areas!
There's also the popularity of the "please cancel plans last minute, I'm always ready to bail" memes that make it feel like it's not a big deal to flake. No need for follow ups! Friendship is tricky, and we're lucky to have you to guide us through these tensions!
I wonder about the differences between leaving a friendship, ghosting a friend (I.e. they reach out and you don’t reply), and choosing to not reach out that extra mile. Each one has varying levels of passivity versus action, each one requires different levels of energy. Is there a way of handling the situation in the first post where, instead of reaching out to ask about the friend’s needs, they investigate what their own unmet needs are within this friendship (and then share that with their cancellation prone friend)? If you are feeling upset or hurt, that is a good cue to get curious! But not just about other people’s needs which I think is how most women in particular have been socialized.
Wow did I need to read that last part about taking a writing break, thank you
I’m reading your book right now Anna! It’s great, thank you! I admit I have ghosted a few in the past couple of years. I have a chip on my shoulder about how hard I work in friendships and how hard others work. I’m trying to have more grace for others around this. It’s challenging đŸ˜¬đŸ˜¬ but thank you for being a good role model.
Ah ghosting the friendship! I've been surprised this happens in middle age! I think people's tendency to be conflict avoidant plus only communicating via text is a perfect recipe for ghosting. I'm team "always reach out" but it is exhausting
I recently did both. I reached out first and then peaced out when she continued to ghost me. by the time she reached back out, I feel like I had been mourning the loss our friendship for a long time.
Eleanor gets a deserved shout out!
I totally see those double messages too and I agree it just really depends on the situation and how invested you are in that friendship in the first place.
I'm sad that the rice krispie ice cream was a let down!
And finally, rest is good!